The Emptiness
by Muse-icfan756
Summary: Lissa is left alone after a massive Strigoi attack on Lehigh College. How does she cope? What will she do now? Set after Last Scarifice. Lissa POV. One-shot, possibly more. WARNING: Really sad.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a really sad one-shot in Lissa's point of view. It is set to the song Hello by Evanescence. **

**Disclaimer: All rights go to Richelle Mead.**

I stared out at the sea of bodies and a shiver ran down my spine. I felt my tears run down my cheeks and they splattered onto the floor. The Strigoi had attacked Lehigh, hundreds of them, and I seemed to be the only survivor. The bell that signalled the end of the lecture rang, but nobody came. It was empty. I looked up into the sky as a dark cloud crossed over the eerie figure of the moon and star-spattered sky. I spotted Rose's corpse amongst the others and collapsed beside it, weeping as I tried to conjure up my healing magic. But nothing happened. She still wasn't breathing. Rose was dead, but this time she definitely wasn't coming back.

"Hello?" I called hoarsely, hoping for some sort of response. I couldn't cope with this by myself. I needed someone. I needed _Rose_. "Hello?" All I heard was the echo of my sobbing around the courtyard.

The college seemed so dark and scary with no lively students in it. Everyone was lying dead on the ground, fighters or not.

I picked myself up and searched around the school carefully picking my way through the bodies that scattered the floor; Moroi, dhampirs and Strigoi alike. I couldn't believe it. Christian had lost control of his fire magic and it had gotten the better of him. Rose had died killing the Strigoi that had bitten Dimitri. Dimitri had died being killed by Christian. I brushed my hair out of my face and it matted in my hairline where crimson blood was leaking out of a giant gash on my face. I could smell it. It was Rose that had stopped the Strigoi from actually killing me. They lay, broken on the floor.

"Hello?" I cried again. I knew I wouldn't manage this by myself. Wasn't somebody here to help the queen? Where were the extra guardians that should come? Where were the lucky survivors like me? I hid and the cupboard by myself and couldn't stop crying.

The saltwater just kept flowing from my eyes, leaking into the crevices and the corner of my mouth. My eyes drooped and I felt so exhausted. No-one would mind if I went for a little sleep, would they? There wasn't anybody _to_ mind. However, with my eyes shut tight, all I could see were faces of everybody else. Rose, Christian, Dimitri, Mom, Dad, Andre, other guardians and people I may've known. They were all dead. Maybe if I died too, I could be with them. No matter how many Strigoi she killed, nor how many times she broke the law, Rose would still be heaven. That would be a good idea. Calm, peaceful...

I shook myself awake. _Stop sleeping,_ I told myself, _Rose wouldn't want you to die. You have to stay strong for them all. You're the Queen of the Moroi. You _can't_ die._ I wept to myself and tried not to make too much noise just in case any Strigoi were still around. I rested my head against the wall, trying to regain my composure. Sighing, I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled out my phone.


	2. Chapter 2

**This song is to In Loving Memory by Alter Bridge. Thanks to dancer101202303 for the suggestion.**

I sat in the SUV with a load of other guardians. The Strigoi alarm had gone off at Lehigh, an hour away from the court, and we were battling the speed limit to get there. I was hoping that the reason no other guardians were answering their phones was because they were busy fighting them off. Suddenly, my phone buzzed.

"Who is it?" Hans asked. I glanced down and swelled with hope.

"Vasilisa," I told him. His eyes widened. The Moroi queen had been in a Strigoi attack. I put the phone to my ear.

"Janine?" she sobbed.

"Yes, Lissa, are you okay?"

"No, no, nobody's okay...oh God, how soon...when will you get here? You are coming, right?"

"Yes, of course, we're just a few minutes away."

"Oh, phew, because, well, I..."

"Where's everyone else?" Why wasn't Rose comforting her?

"She, well, she, oh God..." She trailed off and sobbed. My heart twisted in my chest. _Please, God,_ I prayed, _I know neither of us believe in you, but please, save my Rose. She's a good kid, really, and she's a brilliant guardian, she deserves a better life than this._ As soon as we arrived at the college, we crept in cautiously, not knowing if there were still Strigoi there. The sight of the campus was awful. I stopped where I was and gasped.

**Song starts here.**

It was all empty, except for the main courtyard. Here, piles of bodies were everywhere. Strigoi, Moroi and guardian alike, all spread across the floor. Some of them were decapitated or had their throats ripped out. Some were leaking blood, and some had simply been staked. But there were no survivors. I searched blindly, but couldn't find who I was looking for. A hand touched my shoulder and I looked into Abe's brown eyes. Why was he here?

"We need to look for Vasilisa," he murmured. Yes, of course, we look for survivors. But the horror of the place was too much to stand, and I could see the haunted look in his eyes that was probably reflected in mine. We picked our way through the massacre, calling out for Lissa. The wind ruffled our hair and the bodies on the floor looked like they could still be alive. There was no reply to our pleas. Just blankness. We searched everywhere, and, suddenly, I heard a sob. I threw open the door of a cupboard to see a Moroi with platinum hair curled up in the corner with a tear-streaked face. Our Queen. Rose's best friend. Just a young Moroi girl. I scooped her up in my arms and she clung to me with her life, soaking the shirt on my shoulder.

"I've found her!" I called out to the other guardians.

**Lissa POV**

We crossed campus and I refused to let go of Janine. She was the closest thing I had to Rose, to life. The only living thing here. Except for the people she'd called out to. She stroked my hair softly and I wondered if she was pretending I was Rose. She set me down on the floor in an empty room where the guardians had met up. I was suddenly surrounded by people asking me questions.

"What was it like?"

"How did they get in?"

"Are you the only survivor?" I shook my head to all of them, only having one purpose. I mumbled something that nobody heard, and then realised that I needed to get my way. I thought like Rose.

"Let me see her!" I screeched. "Let me see Rose! My tears were forming rapidly and I wondered if I would ever run out of fluids. Probably not. Janine walked with me, holding my hand like I was a little kid. Rose was collapsed on the floor, eyes frozen wide open. They were filled with love, and would stay like that forever. It was a sweet gesture, yet struck me with sorrow. Her dark brown hair blew around and swept across the floor, the blood was slowly draining from her tanned skin and I could smell death on her. She had two tiny bite marks in her neck from where she shoved herself in front of me. Again. I was always the cause of her death. I wept. I couldn't stop. Janine sobbed silently and put an arm around me. I could imagine what she feeling right now. Next to her lay Dimitri, who had thrown himself in front of Christian. Oh, Christian. I stared at his expression, his eyes squeezed shut as he expected death. That heroic moment replayed in my head, when he'd tried to throw himself in front of me after Rose had. His jet black hair fell back and I couldn't see his blue eyes anymore. I wanted to bury myself in the icy depths of them. I wanted to lie there with him, to move to some better place than this hell hole. This awful place where evil was real. All I would need was a stake...No. I had to be strong. I was the Queen of the Moroi. I had a purpose. They would want me to go on. I looked over at Rose, who still gave me strength, even when she was dead. I put my arms around her and buried my face in her unmoving chest. She'd never truly abandoned me. Even when she went to Russia, I wasn't alone. She'd always been there for me. Always looking out for me. She'd trained to look after me, she risked her life for me. Over and over and over. The emotion was getting too much. I couldn't hold it in. I screamed.

"No, Rose!" It was like part of me had died, like _all_ of me had died. With both Rose and Christian gone, I was helpless. It reminded me of the test I endured in the running for Queen, except much, much worse. And it was real. Rose was my best friend. Christian was my soul mate. I wouldn't be able to go without them, would I? Could I really move on? How? How would I manage it? My best friend! We'd been together, literally, through thick and thin. Through love and hate, joy and sorrow. I didn't know what I would do without that. Christian, the times we'd had. I would give anything to have his snarky face back again, just to hold him in my arms one last time. I needed his comforting, I needed his love. I needed Rose, who always knew what to do, and always made everything better, even with just a stupid joke. The guardians pulled me away and we drove back to the court, leaving my old life behind.

**What did you think? I'm not brilliant at sad stories, so it may not be quite as depressing as I'd hoped. But, depressing is a really hard emotion to capture. There are no words...there are no words for that...so yeah, I'll stop my ramblings and continue with some other stuff. Hope you liked it **


	3. Chapter 3

**This is to Missing by Evanescence. (You probably guessed that I like them, as I use them a lot in Silken Rose too!) Thanks for all your support.**

We rode in silence and I stared out of the window at the dark sky. The guardians drove swiftly, hoping to get us out of danger as soon as possible. When we drove through the court gates, there was nobody there. It was usually packed at this time of day, but not now. I ran straight to my room, breaking down as soon as I got in. I sat back on the bed and wailed, banging the walls. I felt the pain flare up at the side of my hand and it distracted me from my emotions. I banged and banged, hoping that Rose would here me next door. But, of course not, she was missing now.

I cried for what seemed like forever until I realised that I had a duty to do. Rose would be strong and get on with it. She'd done it before with Dimitri. Rose, Rose. The wonderful best friend. The best guardian ever. I couldn't believe that I'd missed out on saving her. She'd sacrificed her life for me and I couldn't do anything about it. I rearranged my hair so that it didn't look like I'd almost died and washed my face. I didn't bother with make-up or pretty dresses. I walked down to the main Court in just my T-shirts and jeans.

They were expecting me, but not really _me. _I guess they were expecting order, but there was none of that here. As I walked in the room, hiccupping as I tried to maintain a Queenly stroll, there was a hushed silence.

I stepped up to the throne, hyperventilating as I saw where Rose would usually have been standing beside me. I could just see her helping me in my worst political moments, standing in her black-and-white guardian attire, squeezing my hand and giving me an encouraging smile, even though the whole of the Moroi Court was shouting at me. God, I missed her so much. I didn't know how I would go on...

No. Don't think like that. Stay calm. For the people. "A great sacrifice has been made," I told them. "The Strigoi attacked Lehigh. There must've been at least fifty of them." A shocked gasp rippled through the audience. "I was the only survivor." As I stared out at the solemn faces, I knew that this was going to be awful. Family of the students who had lived there, friends of the guardians who had worked there. "There will be a mass funeral for those that we have lost. They will be greatly missed."

I stepped back and the moment was surreal. There was so much emotion in the room, yet nobody spoke. Their eyes wide, the faces even paler than usual at the bombshell that I'd just unleashed. They gaped at me and I swallowed. Never, in any of my dreams, had I expected this. Never at all. I never thought that anything like this could happen. Rose, Christian, Dimitri, all those guardians and friends. All missing. All sacrificed, mainly to save me. It was awful. I couldn't cope with being the cause of so many deaths.

"This session is over," I said and started walking glumly back to my room. I was never going to get over this. I really wasn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I didn't update in, like, forever. I've been really busy and this isn't really one of my main priorities. It probably won't be much longer than these few chapters, sorry to those of you that may disagree but I'll run out of songs and ideas. **

**This one is to Broken by Seether (ft. Amy Lee).**

I locked the door behind me and sank down onto my bed, curling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them. I let the tears fall, softer now, sobbing silently into my knees.

Images floated before my eyes, burned into my retina. Rose, lying dead on the floor, her soft, dark hair spread around her face like a halo. To protect me. Christian, lying with his neck twisted to the side as if he was just sleeping awkwardly like he used to when he had nightmares about his parents. To protect me. Dimitri, his body worn out and scalded, red where Christian had accidentally caught him using his fire. To protect me.

Their bodies completely broken. To protect me. The words echoed around my head, my guilty conscience rearing her ugly head once again. I sighed into my knees, gasping for my breath.

I didn't really start to break down until I heard my guardians outside my door change and knew it should've been Rose's shift.

The worst was over for me, but I was still hyperventilating, unable to keep quiet any longer. There was no lashing out. No wailing, just pure sadness, threatening to completely overcome me. And I couldn't let that happen. I wasn't allowed to anymore, as I was Queen. I had to stay strong. It was the only solution.

I couldn't stay broken. I had to tape myself up, but I just didn't feel right. I wasn't strong enough, not like Rose was. I sobbed again, and caught of something glinting on my bedside table. My nail kit. An idea sprang into my head, one that I couldn't dismiss quickly enough to stop considering it.

I could do it, couldn't I? I'd done it before. It would take away the pain...I was losing the ability to concentrate, my head going woozy already. I grabbed the cuticle pusher with the pointy end and dug it into my wrists. The pain flared up my arms and I gasped. I dragged it along, crimson blood spilling out of the cuts and pouring to the floor. I felt the bloodlust fill me up as I realised I hadn't yet been to a feeder. I was starting to feel the effects of that. I stared at the blood and it urged me to the next arm...

I dug it in and started to drag it across my wrist in zigzag lines. _Maybe I could join them? _ I thought to myself. _Surely that would be better_. I started to dig it in deeper, cutting through towards my veins, the blood making my mouth water. The strength of my arm surprised me and made me feel a bit more joyous. I wondered how much of this was me and how much was spirit darkness. I couldn't see anymore. My eyes felt like they were brimming with my own blood. I felt liquid leaking from my eyes, and it felt like blood. I felt the blood leaking from my wrists, from my stomach, from my feet, from my hairline. My hair was matted to the sides of my face with it. But I couldn't feel anymore. I cried out in shock as I saw, in my head, my body covered and splattered with blood. The real world was black...


	5. Chapter 5

**OMG, guys! I just found that this story was recommended a little while ago here: ****http:/www (dot) shadowkissed (dot )net/2011/03/14/fanfic-monday-4/**** If you didn't know, is known amongst VA fans for being one of the best fan sites. It's even been recommended from the official website, and they've given me great feedback, just like you guys reading this. So, I'm gonna say now, thank you very much! **

**And, just in case you missed the last chapter, you might want to go back. I added it at the same time I deleted the old AN, so I don't know whether you all saw it or not.**

**Oh, and, this chapter is to Hyperchondriac Music by MUSE. **

My eyes flicked open to reveal the blinding lights of the sterile place. Obviously not heaven. Not even hell, although that's what I'd been expecting. I glanced down and saw that I was in a hospital gown. My wrists were bandaged up, but I could see where the blood had soaked through. The bottom layer that was poking out was completely crimson. I shivered, the recollections of last night filling my mind. How had I been so weak? I'd thought Rose would've been happy, but instead she would've been annoyed that I'd been so stupid as to try and take my own life. How selfish of me.

The doctor, a female Moroi, walked in.

"Oh, your majesty, we didn't expect you to be awake for another few hours," she told me in shock.

"Why not?" I wondered distantly.

"We've had you in a coma for a few days. Your mind needed to heal as well as your body did. You weren't in a very good state for anything." She sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you remember?"

"I just remember there being lots of blood. So much blood." My voice had lowered to a whisper.

"Yes. You cut yourself along your arms and then lost your balance, which caused the weapon to be dragged down your chest. It was so deep, you're lucky your guardians heard you cry out." I flinched when she said your guardians. I peered down the gown to where an angry pink line was making its way towards my stomach. It was covered in butterfly stitches.

I felt a tear leak out of my eye and heard the doctor murmur something, but she sounded too far away for me to be able to understand what she was trying to say. Vaguely, I was aware of somebody asking me to drink something, but I refused. I didn't want to see or hear anything. I wouldn't want to anymore. Nobody was going to say anything that could make me feel better. I wished I'd died when I cut myself. I wished I hadn't cried out. I wished I didn't have guardians. Maybe I should just become a Strigoi.

The idiotic thought snapped me out. _You stupid girl_, Rose's voice told me in my head.

_Rose? Is that you?_

_Of course. Who else would it be?_

_Is this part of the bond? _

_Well, if you want to put it that way, yeah._

_Oh, Rose! _I flung myself into her arms and she wrapped them around me as I sobbed into her chest. _I'm sorry. I couldn't heal you. I couldn't get to you._

_Don't worry, Liss. Everythingis fine. I'll always be here for you. _I pulled back

_Really? You're not dead?_

_Well, I-_

_You're alive? Oh, Rose! I can't believe it! I thought you were dead. What about Christian and Dimtiri?_

_Lissa, I-_

But I never got to hear what she said, as somebody put something through my mouth and she disappeared as it dissolved on my tongue.

"No," I mumbled. "Rose, come back... Please come back... No, Rose... Christian... Oh, God." I tried to spit it out, but it stayed in mouth and slowly made it's way down my throat before I fell back into the darkness again.

**This song is so weird. It's actually a slow, depressive version of one of my favs, Hyper Music. Ikr. Oh, and I've added some The emptiness related pictures to my website : )**


	6. AN

**Hey, guys. I am so **_**so **_**sorry, but I probably won't be able to write or read ANY fanfics for the next week or so. Next week I've got my GCSE, and is really distracting me from the revision I'm supposed to do. I promise I'll do a HUGE update after wards, but I'm too busy at the moment. Really really **_**really**_** sorry,**

**Lissasguardian756**

**PS. I'll delete this when I update **


End file.
